Building Stronger Relationships: Resolutions for loving others as Jesus did.

How often do you talk to your friends? Have you spoken to them this week or even this year? What about your family? Do you have a good relationship with them? Do you wish you were better at keeping your relationships afloat instead of letting them drift away because of bad communication?

Yeah, me too. Convicting isn’t it? But that’s not the point of this post. We want to change our ways and improve our relationships, whether we’ve known them for years or only met them today. Life isn’t meant to be lived alone so let’s turn to the Bible, the greatest source of wisdom on this earth and learn from Jesus how we can have better relationships. But first, let’s begin with a prayer.

Prayer

Lord, we know that we aren’t meant to live this life alone. We know You created us to be social people and live in community. We recognise that we have failed others with poor relationships and selfishness. We want to do better Lord. We want to have fulfilling, meaningful relationships and to love others as Jesus did. Lord, help us take inspiration from Jesus’ example and apply it in our lives.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

I spent some time perusing the gospels taking notes of everything that Jesus did that helped him to have good relationships. So what did Jesus do?

He spoke truth and cared for sick people

“Now Jesus began to go all over Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people.”
Matthew 4:23

Jesus shared the gospel with others, he ministered, healed the sick and cast out demons. Now you may be wondering how any of this helps us to have good relationships. Well, if we want to have good relationships we need to care for the other person, this can mean providing for them when they are sick and being there for them during hard times.

As living testimonies of God, we should share His light through our actions and words, including sharing the gospel with others.

He showed mercy

“Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.”
Matthew 5:7

Jesus tells us that we should give mercy, not because it is deserved but because it is good to be kind. After all, we received mercy from God it’s only right that we share that same kindness with others. When we are merciful it makes our relationships better because holding grudges not only makes us bitter but it strains the relationship.

He gave generously

“Give to the one who asks you, and don’t turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.”
Matthew 5:42

Being generous in our relationships shows our love for them. Give without expecting something in return, and lend without fear of losing what has been borrowed. Don’t turn away from someone in need. Live and love generously.

He loved everyone

“But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”
Matthew 5:44

Jesus tells us to love our neighbours as ourselves, even our enemies are our neighbours.

Show love to people you dislike, be kind to them even when they are unkind to you. Help them when they are in need. Pray for light to come in their lives and that they will receive it, pray for their salvation and for their life to be blessed. Jesus tells us to love our enemies, and if we can love them as Jesus did how much more can we do for the people we do love? Even Jesus prayed for His friends.

He did not judge as the world judges

“Do not judge, so that you won’t be judged. For you will be judged by the same standard with which you judge others, and you will be measured by the same measure you use.”
Matthew 7:1-2

We know we shouldn’t judge people and we often don’t even try and stop ourselves. It’s not fair to judge others when we don’t want to be judged ourselves. It’s time to stop for good, if asked for our opinions we can give it but otherwise it is insensitive to say something that might cause pain.

Our words should be kind, positive and loving. They should build people up, not bring them down. How can we expect any relationship to last if we are judging them all the time?

He welcomed

“The one who welcomes you welcomes me, and the one who welcomes me welcomes him who sent me.”
Matthew 10:40

When was the last time you invited someone into your home? When was the last time someone welcomed you into theirs? When did someone last greet you warmly and make you feel like you belonged?

Jesus says we are to be welcoming people, to be friendly. It is at the heart of every relationship yet sometimes we are lacking in it. We can be rude without meaning to be or not show our interest well even though we do care. Think of your life right now are you being hospitable? Or have you shut yourself off from the world?

What could you do to be more hospitable? Invite friends round for dinner, host a movie night? Or will you start small and start responding to your friends’ messages or join them for a coffee?

Sometimes it is the smallest of things that can have the biggest impact.

He did not argue or shout

“He will not argue or shout, and no one will hear his voice in the street.”
Matthew 12:19

Arguments are often the biggest cause of distance between people. The rising tensions causing people to rethink their relationships. If you want to improve your relationships then communicate clearly. If the tensions start rising consider your options. Will giving space make things worse? Or will you make things worse because you left? Stay calm in such situations don’t raise your voice because that will make things worse.

We can’t avoid every argument but we can try and limit them as much as possible.

He was honourable

“For God said: honour your father and your mother, and, whoever speaks evil of father or mother must be put to death.”
Matthew 15:4

Honour means esteem, value or respect. Are we treating people with respect? Like they have value? We may respect people but we often forget the value they have, we take it for granted. Especially the people we don’t like very much, just because we don’t have a high opinion of someone doesn’t mean they are of any less value. God sees us all as valuable that’s why He has given every person the opportunity to seek Him so we can live with Him forever, so that we don’t get cast out from His presence.

This verse may focus on honouring our parents but it’s important to honour everyone, to treat them with respect and remember the value they have to someone else even if not to us.

He was forgiving

“I tell you, not as many as seven,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven.”
Matthew 18:22

Is there someone in your life you know you need to forgive but you haven’t yet? Why would you not forgive them when you have felt the gift of forgiveness yourself? Don’t hold on to anger or bitterness, let the past go, and let the desire for vengeance leave you. If God desires to punish someone for their actions He will do so, He can enact your revenge for you.

Perhaps it’s yourself that you need to forgive because you did or said something you shouldn’t have and still feel the guilt. Take it to God and speak to Him truthfully about the guilt and shame you feel holding you back. He will forgive you then you will be able to forgive yourself.

Forgiveness is something we practise daily because we sin daily. If God can forgive you every day of your life for your sins, why wouldn’t you do the same for others? Pray for God to give you a forgiving heart and let Him help you to let go and forgive.

He served others

“Just as the son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve.”
Matthew 20:28

Our God is a servant King. He humbled Himself to become man, a man who served everyone with His teachings and healing. Jesus is the example to live by, He served His people and washed His friends’ feet. When was the last time you did something for your friend? Did they ask you for help and you said no? Did you feel like it was a chore?

Jesus lived a life serving people out of love and did not complain. He may have been tired but He didn’t refuse the faithful when they asked. We can draw inspiration from Him and start saying yes when someone asks us to help, even if we don’t want to do it. We follow the example set before us by Jesus and put the needs of others before our own. Of course, rest is important and God doesn’t want us burning out so set some boundaries and realise your limits but where possible start serving.

Do the dishes without being asked when at a friend’s house for a meal. If you can’t help someone lead them to someone who can. Watch your relationships grow as you start serving them and giving to them rather than just taking.

He had compassion and empathy

“When Jesus saw her crying, and the Jews who had come with her crying, he was deeply moved in his spirit and troubled.”
John 11:33

Jesus is a man of compassion, moved by the needs of others. A man of sympathy and empathy. Jesus healed people because He was moved by their friends’ faith. He wept when Lazarus died. Jesus felt emotions just like we do. But how do we react when a friend experiences grief, do we feel awkward and distance ourselves because we don’t know how to help? Do we share in their moments of joy?

Do we do nothing because we don’t understand their feelings? I don’t think so. For a relationship to be strong we need to be honest with each other about our thoughts and feelings. If we don’t know how to help or comfort them we can ask what they need, what we do to make things better. Sometimes even a simple message to say you’re thinking of them can be all they need to feel better.

Emotions are made to be shared not locked up.

He listened

Perhaps the most important way to improve relationships is to listen, like really listen. Read their body language and hear their words, because they may say one thing and mean another entirely and usually body language gives it away. Unless they are really good at hiding how they feel. Arguments happen because people don’t listen, friendships can fade because someone feels they aren’t being heard. So to improve your relationships start trying to be a better listener.

And to bring this post to an end is one final reminder, keep God at the centre of every relationship. He can help you make wise choices and give you the strength to not have the last word. He will strengthen your weaknesses and teach you how to make the most out of every relationship you have. I hope this post has inspired you to think about the relationships in your life, and challenged you to do better in them.