Storytime: How God lifted me out of misery

I stumbled upon this quote a while ago. I can’t remember the date or where I found it, but I distinctly remember how I felt. Sitting there, I thought, “This is me!” and not in a good way…

“Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it.” – Don Herold.

At that time, I was unhappy. I felt lonely and misunderstood. I had been through a break-up, and I was also unemployed. Every move I made seemed to result in a failure. I haven’t been diagnosed, but I felt depressed.

This quote made me start reflecting on my life, how I was living, and why I was so unhappy.

I had isolated myself from my friends and tried to do so with my family, but I lived with them, so that wasn’t possible. I thought that being alone would be better for everyone. I had been unsuccessfully applying to jobs I had no interest in because it felt like the right thing to do. I turned to fictional worlds in books, movies and TV shows to escape from my misery which ultimately didn’t help. I felt empty. I didn’t know what to do to change how I felt; I had basically given up on feeling any joy. But on the outside, I kept applying to jobs hoping that something would give.

In the end, that something was me.

I had still been going to church and tried to keep a habit of reading my bible every day, but I wasn’t always successful. When I realised I didn’t want to stay miserable; I turned to God. I made sure to include devotionals and reading my bible as part of my morning routine and made sure that I did it before looking at my phone. I started writing out my prayers in a journal because it helped me focus and connected me to God in a way I hadn’t felt for a while. It wasn’t a perfect routine, and I didn’t always follow through, but with time I began to feel better. Instead of being miserable all day, I was only sad for part of the day.

Between making more time for God in my life and ensuring I left the house a few times a week, hope began to grow. At first, it was just a little seedling, but now it has grown into a sapling. Around this time, I took time to reflect on what God wanted me to do; honestly, the answer wasn’t surprising. For a long time, I had felt this desire to start a blog but had kept putting it off out of fear and procrastination. Eventually, I listened, and today you see the result of that desire.

I still apply to jobs because my parents expect it of me, and an income would be nice, but the time I devote to it is significantly less because it is soul-sucking. I spend most of my time creating content for this blog, and since I started it, not only have I been more productive, but I feel at peace. It’s clearly what God wants me to do at the moment despite my regular prayers asking for a source of money.

I can’t say that I have entirely relinquished all control to God because that would be a lie, but I do try to because I know that whatever He has planned for me is better than anything I could think of. I try to be intentional with my time with God each day I wake up. I thank Him for the fact that I am alive and have a purpose with Him, and I ask Him to lead me through the day. Gratitude has become an important practice for me to realise I have a lot to be thankful for, from sunny days to having family around me, even though they can be annoying.

In the past few months, I have gone from misery to feeling joy each day. I can only thank God for the work He is doing in me and through me. Making God more of a priority in my life has transformed my life completely, and when I think of where I used to be, it brings tears to my eyes. God is real and truly amazing; I hope you also know this as truth. I am still very much at the beginning of my journey with God, but with all He has done so far, I know that whatever happens, He can use it for good. I had never planned on being so vulnerable on here, but I did promise honesty and authenticity, so here it is, and a single quote inspired all of it.